NETSURFER DIGEST
More Signal, Less Noise
Volume 08, Issue 09
Thursday, March 07, 2002

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BREAKING SURF
What to Do with the Human Genome - and How to Do It
The Outlook for War
Spike Milligan Dead
Iditarod 2002
Radio Free Linux: All Linux, All the Time!
Slashdot Announces Subscription Plan
The Struggle for Digital Rights Management
Ballmer and Allchin Depositions in Microsoft Anti-Trust Trial
Online Critic SLAPPed with $450,000 Penalty
Ashcroft Sings
AT&T, AtHome, and the Grassy Knoll
Speaking of Xybernaut and Wearable Computing...
The Joys of E-Mail Loops
LEDs Leak Data
Psst! Wanna Buy a Search Engine Ranking?
The Richest of the Rich
Country Reports on Human Rights Practices for 2001
For the People
WWF vs. WWF - and Alligators!!!
ONLINE CULTURE
Google Bombing and Blogrolling
Chinese Lawmakers Want Spam Restrictions Lifted
Netsurfer Recommendations
SURFING SITES
Online Law Legal Aid
Pauling's Notes
Ed's Little Web Shed of Stuff to Poke
Books of Gook: Utterly Outrageous Recipes
May You Perform Interesting Research
How to Be Funny
Dear Stalker...
Sherlock Holmes vs. Magnum P.I. and Other Main Events
Kids, Become a Government Agent and Win Fabulous Prizes
Habit-Forming Habbo-tat
E-Hunt for Easter E-Eggs
ONLINE TRAVEL
Beating Cancer, then Everest
China: 1840 to 1950
Archives of Russia and the USSR
FLOTSAM & JETSAM
Frodo Blackadder
When "Fried" and "CPU" Are Good Things
The Teddy Borg
An Easy Way to Reject Suitors
Shocking Shockwave Entertainment
Handicapped, Float-Tuber Fisherfolk
SOFTWARE
Freenet Overview
Morpheus Preview Edition
CORRECTIONS
AutoBuyology
OTHER LINKS
BOOK REVIEWS
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Contact and Subscription Information
Credits


BREAKING SURF

What to Do with the Human Genome - and How to Do It

This lively Salon article presents the story of the human genome research with a distinct it-oughta-be-public slant. Having been essentially deciphered, human genome data presents the challenge of making sense of it and using it to advance health and healing. The battle over the bio-informatics software needed for that, however, is a major front in the war between open and proprietary software. As well, some scientists worry that universities' contracts with corporations prevent research on open projects. Other opponents argue against conventional scholarly publishing. Salon's grand, cathartic outpouring of opinions indicates the strong passions that animate this topic. From the smoke and noise of this intellectual battle, operating on the fringes of the argument space, emerges the biopunk, mistrustful of patents and clamoring for new rules. We enjoyed the article, but it felt somewhat like being at an economics conference attended only by socialists and state planners. It's telling that but for the challenge and brilliant shortcuts of privately funded Celera, the publicly funded human genome team would probably still be cranking away at it.
http://www.salon.com/tech/feature/2002/02/26/biopunk/index.html

The Outlook for War

If the last century was the most murderous, marked by almost continuous conflict of one sort or another, what's ahead for this one? It certainly hasn't started peacefully. There's no detailed blueprint in this Guardian article for what lies ahead, of course, but it presents themes and trends that bear thinking about. One is the blurring of the line between combatants and non-combatants and a shift toward civilian casualties. Even coming to grips with exactly what is war and what is peace is now profoundly difficult. How, to take a germane example, do you determine whether to treat a captive as a prisoner of war or a murderer? The last century featured warfare fueled by revolutions, economics, and disintegrating empires. This one may be dominated by military struggles between states and non-government bodies. Whatever shape future conflict takes, it seems likely that peace, real peace, widespread and long lasting, so peaceful it earns a capital-P "Pax" in the history books, will be as elusive as ever.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/saturday_review/story/0,3605,655478,00.html

Spike Milligan Dead

Founding member of the Goons, comic genius Spike Milligan is dead at 83. Milligan could reduce listeners to helpless hysterics and wove his unique brand of zaniness and absurdity deep into the fabric of British humor. He wasn't always funny though, and suffered all his life from manic depression interspersed with at least ten breakdowns, linked to his war experiences. "The Goon Show", which first aired on BBC Radio May 28, 1951, also featured Peter Sellers, Michael Bentine, and Harry Secombe, but Spike was the writing brains behind the highly popular comedy team. Pretty much all British TV humor of the last 35 years owes at least something to Milligan. The BBC's take on his life and influence pays homage to the funny man with pictures, video clips, interviews with and statements from important people, along with some funny lines from the man himself. The Cardboard and String Spike Milligan Page provides mostly links, lists, and laughs.
BBC: http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/entertainment/tv_and_radio/newsid_1843000/1843963.stm
Cardboard: http://www.fireflycafe.org/spike/

Iditarod 2002

The granddaddy of all annual mushing events is off to a rousing start. The mushers reportedly like the course this year because there's lots of snow on the ground, a nice change from last year. The big news at press time was that Montanan Doug Swingley, four-time winner and the fastest man to run the race - well, we bet his dogs did more actual running - is retiring from competitive racing and is just running this race as "a victory lap". It's good news for the rest of the field, who now have a hope of doing better than second. The Anchorage Daily News and Dogsled.com serve up plenty of good coverage, so we'll let them keep you up to date.
Iditarod 2002: http://www.iditarod.com/index.shtml
Anchorage Daily News: http://www.adn.com/iditarod/
Dogsled.com: http://www.dogsled.com/

Radio Free Linux: All Linux, All the Time!

In Arthur C. Clarke's sublime "The Nine Billion Names of God", Tibetan monks employ a computer to help them count off the names and usher in the end of existence. With any luck, nothing so inconvenient will occur 20 months from now, when the speech bot set up by Adam Hyde and Honor Harger finishes reading the entire Linux source code. Not content with tormenting their pets (if any), Hyde and Harger have set up a Web site called Radio Free Linux (RFL) where anyone who has run out of sheep to count can tune in to listen to the - um, feat. We're being harsh. The pair admit they set up the operation as a joke. It's not like anybody would take this sort of thing seriously, is it? Wired has the scoop.
RFL: http://radioqualia.va.com.au/freeradiolinux/
Wired: http://www.wired.com/news/linux/0,1411,50763,00.html

Slashdot Announces Subscription Plan

Referring to new large-format ads soon to grace Slashdot, site emcee CmdrTaco writes, "We really don't have an option: these are what advertisers want, and if we don't provide them, we won't be around much longer." Recognizing the reality of the situation, and echoing our own take on advertising when we announced subscriptions, Slashdot is offering readers the ability to opt out of ad-noyance - for a price. The site announced a rather baroque system whereby readers can purchase ad-free page views, at $5 per 1,000 pages. It sounds complicated to administer, but then these ultimate techies revel in such challenges. Initially, the site will only take PayPal payments, though they say that they "are aware of the problems" with that service. Predictably, reader response has been massive, and worth reading. Slashdot is walking a fine line between generating revenue and alienating its very finicky audience - arguably, Slashdot would not be Slashdot without the readers who contribute so much great content. We wish Slashdot the best of luck and hope to still be directing Netsurfers to their site for many years to come.
http://slashdot.org/articles/02/03/01/1352200.shtml

The Struggle for Digital Rights Management

The rule is simple - make things easy for the customer, or else. As Tech Review points out, that's a lesson that has tripped up many digital rights management companies. Part of the problem is the paranoia of content owners. But making electronic content available while protecting it from unauthorized use isn't easy. Users simply don't like the copyright-protecting schemes now available. As a result, e-books are a bust, and many of the digital rights companies have either disappeared or changed business focus. Customers want transparency and portability but find neither now. Companies continue to strive for a solution equitable to all parties. Alchemedia's Mirage system makes decrypted information available only on screen, preventing copying or printing but allowing the use of regular browser software. SealedMedia's system stores decryption keys on an Internet server, allowing users to access content they've paid for from any machine with the right browser plug-in. Both represent important advances, but we guess it'll take still more to unlock the door to the latent demand for online access that industry observers assume is there.
http://www.techreview.com/articles/innovation10302.asp

Ballmer and Allchin Depositions in Microsoft Anti-Trust Trial

Two important depositions in the ongoing Microsoft legal proceedings were made public this week. CEO Steve Ballmer and Windows VP James Allchin are sticking to their position that it's not possible to unbundle Explorer from the operating system and that they are not able to offer a customizable version of Windows as part of a settlement. Microsoft has the print versions and also a streaming version of Ballmer's statements, in which he basically threatens that Microsoft may take its Windows ball and go home. Roblimo has a wonderfully entertaining, over-the-top reaction to Ballmer and stirred up a hornets' nest of reader reaction at NewsForge. By the way, anyone who accepts the hooey that Microsoft can't unbundle components from Windows has not tried the 98lite utility. We won't bother going into why later versions of Windows seem to have embedded such components so much more deeply.
Depositions: http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/legal/nonsettling.asp
Ballmer Video: http://webcast.mediaondemand.com/microsoft/20020304/event.html
NewsForge: http://www.newsforge.com/article.pl?sid=02/03/05/0232253&mode=thread
98lite: http://www.98lite.net/98lite.html

Online Critic SLAPPed with $450,000 Penalty

Dan Whatley, in an online post, stated that nepotism was the reason a Xybernaut executive's job didn't consist of asking "Would you like fries with that?" That earned him a defamation lawsuit, about which he allegedly received a certified letter although he claims never to have seen the notification. He didn't show up to defend himself in court, and the judge awarded the plaintiffs a default judgment of $450,000. This was a particularly egregious example of what's become known as a Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation (SLAPP). Free speech activists decry these legal bulldozers designed for squashing public comment, which are typically implemented by thin-skinned executives whose companies aren't doing well. Individual critics often lack the resources to fight these lawsuits and usually settle out of court with an apology. When you don't get that chance, however.... The number of SLAPPs filed against message board posters is on the rise; Wired has some of the ugly details.
Wired: http://wired.com/news/business/0,1367,50548,00.html
SLAPPs: http://www.casp.net/

Ashcroft Sings

It's no secret that the top law enforcement official in the United States is - well, kooky is a kind word. Whatever his personal - well, eccentricities is a kind word, ultimately it's his professional competence which matters at the office, and his ideological competence which matters at the polling place. Apparently, John Ashcroft has some - well, talent is a kind word, for songwriting. And he's not shy about - well, inflicting is a kind word, his talent on his co-workers. Now you too can - well, endure is a kind word, Ashcroft's - well, he's not a bad singer, really. But the palm oil? That's just plain creepy. The Guardian looks at the issue from a safe distance, and has a link to a - well, performance is a kind word.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/bush/story/0,7369,661458,00.html

AT&T, AtHome, and the Grassy Knoll

ExciteAtHome's corporate bankruptcy hurt people where they surf. When the firm entered bankruptcy late last year, cable modem users and creditors competed for the firm's only useful asset - broadband. AT&T, Comcast, and Cox Cable resold AtHome's network to their cable customers, and with AtHome's demise each has had to move customers to other services. If you're one of those customers, you're only too conscious of the difficulties involved. What distinguishes Comcast and Cox from AT&T, however, is that the first two were only customers of AtHome; AT&T was also part-owner of the failed network. If all this sounds to you like the makings of a good conflict of interest lawsuit, you must read this excellent CNET investigative report, which teases apart AT&T's complex role in this most curious case.
http://news.com.com/2009-1033-846668.html

Speaking of Xybernaut and Wearable Computing...

Xybernaut - which makes wearable computers, has never yet turned a profit, and which SLAPPed Dan Whatley - crops up again here, on the first page of a lengthy article describing the potential integration of humans with computers. Two sides of the same coin? Who knows? In any event, Popular Science pushes beyond legalities and into a vision of what life might be like in a not-too-distant future that melds nanotechnology, clothing, computers, and organic life. Wearable computing is already here, and you might blame it for the popularity of cargo pants. The next generation may not require pockets.
http://www.popsci.com/popsci/computers/article/0,12543,198188-1,00.html

The Joys of E-Mail Loops

A misconfigured server in Singapore generated huge volumes of e-mail for users of a German mailing list. Such are the joys of e-mail loops, an international network problem in this connected age. The Singapore server belonged to Sa Voix, a women's magazine site, and was set up to forward all incoming e-mail to several mailing lists. Many of the mailing lists generated automated replies, which came back to Sa Voix, which then forwarded these to mailing lists, ad infinitum. A deluge of e-mail swamped the poor mailing list subscribers. Sa Voix's server was misconfigured and did not correctly handle e-mail headers, worsening the problem and obscuring the source for users who tried to track it down. The simple lesson here for all sysadmins: don't do that. ZDNet has the story.
http://zdnet.com.com/2100-1105-848901.html

LEDs Leak Data

All those cool flickering lights on your network equipment can in some cases leak your traffic to anybody with a telescope and some knowledge of electronics. Think that's cool? It gets better. Not only can you get data from the flickering LEDs of certain network devices, but you can set up a Trojan program to deliberately leak information via keyboard LEDs. The idea first came up in Neal Stephenson's book, "Cryptonomicon", and this paper has some source code that shows you how to do it. The other reason we recommend the paper is its excellent set of references, which touch on computers leaking data, specifically through RF and other radiation - an ever favorite paranoid geek topic.
http://applied-math.org/optical_tempest.pdf

Psst! Wanna Buy a Search Engine Ranking?

Pay-for-placement has become an issue of increasing concern for search engine watchers during the past couple of years, as the failure of banner ads and popping ads has become abundantly clear. As legitimate ad revenue started to dry up, search engines began to sell their souls and push advertising from the margins of their pages deep into the very search engine itself. They sell search engine placement, and it's often a wholesale deal, as this Washington Post article shows. The almost universally top-rated search engine, Google, adopted a different approach - and it isn't the top because of its good looks or splash. Google holds that position because of its focus on relevance. While Google may be dipping its toes into the revenue stream, it presently has no plans to guarantee advertisers any ranking in its search results, and that stands in stark contrast to the approach presently employed by other major players.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A14382-2002Feb27.html

The Richest of the Rich

Forbes has come out with its 16th annual ranking of the world's billionaires. Alas, the numbers have fallen during the past year; 41 people no longer enjoy billionaire status. Unsurprisingly, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett remain numbers one and two. The site has some cool interactive maps, data for the richest of the rich, slide shows, and more. You can find some great stories here. The journey from Communist to richest Russian is documented here, as is a Turkish family that left Motorola and Nokia on the hook for nearly $3 billion. It makes fascinating reading. We knew Gates had lost a few billion in net value this year, but were amazed to find his worth in this perspective: the man still earns 62 cents for every second that Microsoft has been in business. Hmmm. Netsurfer's been around since 1994; let's see, carry the one... - rats! We still aren't rich. At least we know whom to glower at.
http://forbes.com/home/2002/02/28/billionaires.html

Country Reports on Human Rights Practices for 2001

The US State Department has released its annual assessment of human rights practices around the world. The document, organized by country, is produced as part of a Congressional mandate. For obvious reasons, the report on Afghanistan is of particular interest and, as expected, it's not pretty. And no, the report does not include the United States.
Reports: http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/hrrpt/2001/
Afghanistan: http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/hrrpt/2001/sa/8222.htm

For the People

Your government wants to be used, by you - if you're American, that is. To that end, Vice President Dick Cheney recently introduced the new FirstGov, an attempt to bring online a one-stop shopping portal for government services. The new portal is your gateway to over 35 million US government Web pages. Pay your taxes, make a campsite reservation, and find out how to renew your passport, all from a single site. All you have to do is click and your government will respond. CNET has more.
FirstGov: http://www.firstgov.gov/
http://news.com.com/2100-1023-846953.html

WWF vs. WWF - and Alligators!!!

The World Wildlife Fund has won a UK Court of Appeal ruling over the World Wrestling Federation regarding the right to use the abbreviation "WWF". The ruling may have implications for whether the World Wrestling Federation will be able to hold on to the WWF.com domain name. Yeah, yeah, it's not much of a story, but where else will you find a link to the WWF right next to a link to the WWF? Maybe in some story about alligator wrestling...
CNET: http://news.com.com/2100-1023-848026.html
World Wrestling Federation: http://wwf.com/
World Wildlife Fund: http://www.wwf.org/
Alligator Wrestling: http://www.gatorland.com/shows.html

ONLINE CULTURE

Google Bombing and Blogrolling

Google bombing, a feat of mass consensual social engineering, was apparently conceived by Alan Mathes last April. It relies on how the Google search engine ranks pages. Mathes realized that if enough people purposefully linked to a page containing a specific phrase, that page would move up in the search engine result rankings for that phrase. Basically, the linkers can affect the Google ranking of the linkee. This week, John Hiler surveyed the theory and application of Google bombing, and linked it to blogrolling - the maintenance of permanent favorite links in the sidebar of a blog. Hiler identifies four different types of Google bombs: humor bombs, ego bombs, money bombs and justice bombs. The last of these is already effectively distracting surfers who search for prurient content. Read Hiler's entertaining and link-filled article to find out more.
Mathes: http://www.uber.nu/2001/04/06/
Hiler: http://www.corante.com/microcontent/articles/googlebombs.shtml

Chinese Lawmakers Want Spam Restrictions Lifted

The recent drive to block Asian IP addresses due to the massive amount of spam coming from them seems to be having an effect. A brief Reuters piece (at CNET) reports that Chinese legislators are "reproaching" Western sysadmins for blocking their e-mail. At the same time, Chinese academics are calling for stronger laws to regulate the sending of spam. This, of course, would be ineffective and may reflect a lack of understanding of the problem. It's not that much spam originates in Asia - though some certainly does - it's more that spammers all over the world are using the many open relays there. Legislating against open relays might be more effective, something not inconceivable even in the West. Incidentally, way to go Wired for being quoted in the Chinese press for its Asian spam story.
CNET: http://news.com.com/2100-1023-850761.html
Wired: http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,50856,00.html


Netsurfer Recommendations

Items our staff likes and you might too. Click on the image or title to order at a hefty discount from our affiliate Amazon.com, and send a few pennies our way as well.

The Time Machine
H. G. Wells
Tor Books; ISBN: 0812505042

On the eve of the movie remake of H. G. Wells's classic, it's instructive to re-read the original, which arguably birthed the vast literary genre of time travel. Wells meant to extrapolate the social trends of his time one million years into the future, and if you look at it from that angle, the short book stands up reasonably well to such social SF classics as " The Time Ships".



Brain in a Box: The Science Fiction Collection
Various Artists
Rhino Records; ASIN: B00004ZDX9

Wow! Bernard Herrmann's overture from "The Day The Earth Stood Still" with "The Purple People Eater". "Anything is Possible" from "The Matrix" with the Kang and Kodos medley from "The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror I". Dr. Hoffman's theramin solo and Neil Young's prelude to "After the Gold Rush". Come on, this even has "Gigantor" by the Dickies! And don't even get us started on how cool the box is. One miniscule nit - and mind you, it's even smaller than Shatner's singing talent - the only thing missing from this monumental box of goodness is the theme from "Star Trek: Voyager", by far the best of all the Trek themes. Worth every penny. And the collection just won a well deserved Grammy, too.



Building Linux Virtual Private Networks (VPNs)
Oleg Kolesnikov, Brian Hatch
New Riders Publishing; ISBN: 1578702666

A virtual private network (VPN) is basically a secure connection implemented over a public network like the Internet. There are quite a few different VPN tools for different situations, such as PPTP, IPSec, L2TP, Free S/Wan, and SSH. While there are quite a few books on VPNs, most are heavy on theory and light on basic instructions about how to get the darned thing running. This book is exactly the opposite, focusing primarily on specific examples and stepwise instruction in setting up a VPN solution appropriate to your situation. These days, every modern network needs some VPN set-up. This book will get you there.



The Skeptical Environmentalist: Measuring the Real State of the World
Bjorn Lomborg
Cambridge University Press; ISBN: 0521010683

The levels of rhetoric in environmental debates can easily slide into hysteria, and that makes it difficult to sort out truth from propaganda. Undaunted, Bjorn Lomborg has set for himself exactly this difficult goal. A former member of Greenpeace, he does not hesitate to question the conventional wisdom spouted by environmental movements when that "wisdom" conflicts with serious scientific research. Conversely, Lomborg is equally hard on environmental foes. Despite its 2,500 carefully researched footnotes, this is a controversial book, and it has attracted notice in prestigious scientific journals such as Science and Nature. The book has aroused considerable passions and critiques, all well documented on Lomborg's Web site, and is a must-read for anybody who wishes to be an informed participant in environmental debate.




For more selections, check out the Netsurfer Library at http://www.netsurf.com/nsl/

SURFING SITES

Online Law Legal Aid

What do you do when you get a cease-and-desist letter demanding that you remove some content from your Web site? First, you head for this site - then you call your lawyer. Some prestigious legal organizations have cooperated to create this site, which gives clear advice to anybody faced with cease-and-desist letters, demands for third-party private info, or other legal assaults. You actually have quite a bit of recourse to fight such demands and this site gives you clear information on how to go about it. The site is a joint project of the Electronic Frontier Foundation and Harvard, Stanford, UC-Berkeley, and University of San Francisco law school clinics. All Web site and online service operators should bookmark this.
http://www.chillingeffects.org/

Pauling's Notes

Linus Pauling makes the short list of great chemists of the 20th century, and probably of all time, as well as the list of great peace activists. As a chemist, he reinvented the field with his thorough application of quantum mechanics to the problem of the covalent chemical bond; as a peace activist he won his second Nobel prize for his crusade against nuclear war. Oregon State University has scanned and posted online Pauling's laboratory notebooks. The host site lacks index and search capability, but even a random walk through the notebooks reveals that these pages are not simply records of experiments or data, but vivid, visual representations of a mind in action. The notebooks are a form of autobiography, a life written as it was lived.
http://osulibrary.orst.edu/specialcollections/rnb/index.html

Ed's Little Web Shed of Stuff to Poke

And boy, is there a lot of stuff to poke. To start, Ed Stephan has some wonderfully done backdrops that seem almost 3-D at times. As personal Web sites go, this one is ambitious in scope, but manages to cover the ground. Here, the good Stephan has assembled everything from his ongoing epic research into the division of territory in society to some animation projects using animated GIF or Frontpage extensions. The animation of the moon cycles is very nifty, as are many of the animations. The site's not bandwidth-intensive, and there's quite a bit of material to explore. As if afraid that the material he's thrown together might be insufficient to retain your interest, Stephan's added links to everything from the US Naval Observatory's atomic clock to some of your favorite comic strips. In places, his sentiments tend to poke through - in a graph of AL West team performance during the past several years, for example, he correctly spells "Seattle", but appears to not-so-accidentally misspell the other teams' homes. Oakland becomes Oafland, for example. Many Web sites do one thing well; few are able to offer this breadth of material in one stop.
http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~stephan/

Books of Gook: Utterly Outrageous Recipes

One man's poison is another's meat. This is abundantly clear at Utterly Outrageous Recipes. Peanut butter on a cabbage leaf, for example, wrapped around a carrot stick. A healthy choice on any occasion! What's outrageous about a breakfast of liverwurst and horseradish on crackers? Or butter in coffee? Chefs, dieticians, cardiologists and gastroenterologists might consider this site a nightmare of iconoclastic cheek. Its many recipes, hearsay reports, and tips come from gourmands (some of whom are anonymous, may they burn in embarrassment) whose sophistication asks for a stretch of imagination. You may quickly get the feeling someone is feeding you a line. Betty Crocker, it ain't. Mustard on waterbugs, anyone? There ought to be a law. We fear that some exuberant copycat with means and motive may cause massive gross-out and potentially institution-wide gagging and barfing with strange victuals first met at this tongue-in-cheek e-dump. We recommend it for laughs but not for dinner, especially if you're having the boss over for appetizers. Good food is more than a matter of taste.
http://www.lavamind.com/food1.html

May You Perform Interesting Research

In 1996, Stephen DeLong, a professor of geology and information science in upstate New York, started exploring the origin of the commonly quoted allegedly ancient Chinese curse: "May you live in interesting times." His site chronicles his search from 1996 to 1998. He relied on Usenet newsgroups more than most of today's searchers would, but the good professor's techniques are all still valid and the tale is fascinating. We'll ruin the suspense and tell you the "curse" probably isn't ancient and may not even be Chinese. Visit, and if you can add more detail, write DeLong. This is a story that certainly hasn't reached a conclusion and it would be very interesting to discover one.
http://hawk.fab2.albany.edu/sidebar/sidebar.htm

How to Be Funny

Who doesn't want to be funny? Being funny is kind of sexy, right? And who doesn't want to be funny and sexy? You know, like Milton Berle. We acknowledge that this offer to teach us the skills of good old-fashioned slap-and-tickle humor piqued some interest until, ashamed, we realized the humor (and there is a lot of it here) is actually very black indeed. We soon perked up as we realized that, luckily, that's our favorite kind. For example: "Anybody with an accent that isn't like yours is funny, and you should laugh to show your appreciation. Another type of wordplay that is funny is saying one word when you mean another. If you're with your girlfriend, and you call her 'Cathy' when you meant to say 'Tina,' that's funny. This type of humor is often followed by humor involving pain. (see above)."
http://rinkworks.com/funny/

Dear Stalker...

Got a stalker who just can't take the hint? Try sending one of these letters. What's not funny about a headless chicken, dominatrix jokes, and some personality roasting? If you're being stalked, it annoys you, and you're lost for words or simply kind of stupid, feel free to make use of this fill-in-the-blank form letter. It was sort of wasted on us because we're the kind to buy blank birthday cards and feel compelled to write our own messages - we're professionals, don't try that at home - so the whole sentiment by proxy thing just never quite got off the ground for us, despite the gut-tickling blow-up doll reference.
http://members.aol.com/deejpearls/stalker_letter.html

Sherlock Holmes vs. Magnum P.I. and Other Main Events

This week's battle? Gandalf vs. Yoda. An unfair match, you cry? Well, hapless punters, you can decide the winner, so all bets are off. The Main Event presents a new match-up every two weeks "with high-powered, engaging debate (cleverly disguised as low-powered, immature name calling)." Calista Flockhart leapt into the ring with the equally diminutive Fiona Apple in an eating competition that would wrap an icy hand around the guts of any sensible anorexic celebrity. Bloodshed, mayhem, cruel taunts? The Main Event showcases celebrity tempers in all their lawless glory.
http://go.to/themainevent/

Kids, Become a Government Agent and Win Fabulous Prizes

The National Security Agency (NSA) wants your kids to grow up to be code crackers. Well, maybe not, but it has put up a site to get kids interested in the math and science behind its work. Codey, the site's mascot, is clearly a distant relative of Woodsy Owl, although he doesn't seem to be quite as concerned with littering as he is interested in cryptology. The site is filled with puzzles, which come in three flavors: elementary for the kiddies; intermediate for those going through puberty; and master for those who have nothing better to do than make themselves feel stupid. Sometimes the navigation is more of a stumper than the puzzle itself. Although you use a map to navigate through an online house, most of the functionality remains housed in the left column. If you want it simple and just want to check out the puzzles, go to the site map so that you can spend all your brainpower on solving the puzzles instead.
http://www.nsa.gov/programs/kids/

Habit-Forming Habbo-tat

Is there a name for the Sims-like graphics style that's been growing like kudzu the past six months? Regardless, Habbo Hotel certainly does showcase it well. It's a combination of 2-D and 3-D graphics that screams out, "This is only the online world!", which could be useful in an environment like Habbo Hotel that definitely has the ability to turn some into virtual hermits. This graphical chat world lets you input e-mail and cell phone numbers, then stores them in a database. People you authorize can use a console to send you messages without ever actually seeing the number/address themselves. Just like sitting alone in a crowded coffee shop, it only takes a few minutes for somebody to come by Habbo Hotel guests and strike up a conversation. Granted, it may be the standard age/sex check, but that's usually what it is in the coffee shop, too, just with more small talk.
http://www.habbohotel.com/

E-Hunt for Easter E-Eggs

Foxton Primary School has a great idea. Hide virtual eggs all over sites related to Leicestershire in the UK and have people answer questions about the site they just visited in order to move on. We've seen this done before successfully, but not since the Internet became this behemoth of a grassy lawn across which to roll one's eggs. In order to win, contestants must answer the questions correctly - the winner will be drawn at random out of all who have the most right answers. You'll need a browser that supports frames and cookies, and some other technical secret we haven't yet discovered, because even though two of the browsers on this reviewer's machine fit the first criteria, they still don't display the page content. Go figure. The competition closes Apr. 2.
http://www.egghunt.org.uk/

ONLINE TRAVEL

Beating Cancer, then Everest

If you think Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong reached the ultimate height for a cancer survivor, check this out. American cancer survivor Sean Swarner seeks to become the world's first cancer survivor to climb Mt. Everest. At one point, doctors gave him three months to live. In his teens, he fought Hodgkin's and Askin's diseases, a rare combination of cancers. The 20-something former swimmer has been free of both for a decade. His site, CancerClimber Association, is meant to inform and inspire. Swarner will lead an expedition on March 19 to plant a flag with a long list of cancer patients on Everest's summit. The Web site, up since January 2001, lists sponsors of the expedition and the names of cancer survivors and patients that will be on the commemorative flag. You can follow the participants' schedule of training in the Rockies, which includes photos on location, and make a donation. Some of the money raised by the expedition will go to cancer research. The About Sean page links to background articles that cover Swarner's medical history. For the moment, it's unclear whether the site will report on the climbers' progress during the ascent or in retrospect.
http://www.cancerclimber.org/home.htm

China: 1840 to 1950

In 1840, the Chinese knew they were the world and all else was insignificant and inferior. By 1950, Mao was ruling the largest Communist nation in the world, which despised the past. The Tales of Old China site is a personal and eclectic collection of artifacts from those intervening 110 years. Some of the features are text, many are visual. As the site tells viewers, there's no first page nor any recommended order of viewing. Just jump in and view as your mood moves you. Everything is fascinating and navigation is simple. There's an emphasis on Shanghai with lots of photos.
http://www.talesofoldchina.com/

Archives of Russia and the USSR

You need RealPlayer for this, but the footage is little short of amazing. From Soviet video of the first cosmonaut to shots of the Revolution and the Red Army to footage of Soviet leaders, there's an amazing assemblage of material that likely was classified not that long ago. It's all geared toward the 56-Kbps modem user, and the text content alone is definitely worth your time. Our friends in the former Soviet Union have a lot of history behind them, and this site goes a long way toward helping the rest of us understand where they've been.
http://www.russianarchives.com/rao/index.html

FLOTSAM & JETSAM

Frodo Blackadder

What if a hero and his trusty but dim subordinate were trapped in imminent peril? What if said subordinate were to come up with a cunning plan that would save them from the onrushing horde of orcs? Say what? Are we mixing up Frodo and Edmund, Sam and Baldrick? Nay, fair reader, 'tis not we....
http://www.jimcalagon.supanet.com/rpt25.htm

When "Fried" and "CPU" Are Good Things

You've heard of sidewalks so hot, you can fry an egg on them. Maybe you've even seen it done. Sidewalks are wide, stone frying pans powered by the sun - big deal. Ever seen an egg fried by an Athlon CPU? You will.
http://www.handyscripts.co.uk/trubador_egg.htm

The Teddy Borg

Part two in our little series focusing on the marriage of the electronic and the squishy is a look at this project by three MIT students. Take one cuddly teddy bear, one Ethernet switch, superglue, cable, and connectors, stir in a Saturday with nothing else to do but homework, and bake.
http://draco.mit.edu/teddyborg/index.html

An Easy Way to Reject Suitors

Brilliant scheming at last abounds on the dating network - the official rejection phone number. Plagued by lovelorn gropers? Just hand over this number and let the gormless fool talk to someone who will make it clear that they're not going to get laid, certainly not by you anyway. It helps to live in New York or Los Angeles.
http://www.rejectionline.com/

Shocking Shockwave Entertainment

If you have a sick and twisted sense of humor, you'll get a great kick out of this. It's a Shocked place with some really amusing animations and games - and a handful of ads, as well. Visit. Chances are good that you'll laugh your, um - frog off.
http://www.killfrog.com/

Handicapped, Float-Tuber Fisherfolk

Many fishing enthusiasts might float by a site such as this because it's geared toward handicapped float-tubing anglers, but casting aspersions would be a mistake as the site is crammed with tips, product news, and more. Drill down a bit, and you can find links to fishing tutorials.
http://www.hfta.org/

SOFTWARE

Freenet Overview

Most people involved in peer-to-peer technology have at least heard of Freenet, the distributed anonymous network used to store and transmit files. The details of how the network works have mostly been buried in incomplete documentation and source code. This paper provides a technical overview of the project, including some good numbers about how well Freenet technology scales as the number of nodes and files goes up. There's also a brief sidebar which gives references for similar distributed storage networks.
http://www.doc.ic.ac.uk/~twh1/longitude/papers/ieee-final.pdf

Morpheus Preview Edition

Morpheus came out with a new peer-to-peer music-trading client after KaZaa disconnected it from the FastTrack network last week. The new Morpheus is based on Gnucleus, an open-source Gnutella client, something apparently OK with the author of Gnucleus. As we reported last issue, Gnutella traffic picked up quite a bit in the wake of the Morpheus debacle, and is likely to keep rising as people download this new client. Meanwhile, the CEO of Morpheus, Steve Griffin, claims that his company and network suffered a denial-of-service attack. Wired brings the story up to date, while the source code and executable of the new Morpheus client are available for download.
Morpheus: http://www.musiccity.com/home.htm
Gnucleus: http://www.gnucleus.com/home.html
Wired: http://www.wired.com/news/mp3/0,1285,50858,00.html
Morpheus Source: http://www.musiccity.com/source/mpesrc1.zip

CORRECTIONS

AutoBuyology

Talk about blasts from the past. Rand Knox wrote to tell us that his auto-buying advice page, AutoBuyology, which we covered in NSD 2.10 ("Revenge of the Suckers") just about six years ago, has moved from the Well to the URL below. If you remember it from 1996, the site now has a new look and feel and updated info.
http://www.autobuyology.org/

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